Q: In the middle of the day, how can we as moms ensure a time to refresh ourselves so we can make it to dinner much more pleasant?
Dear sister,
Thank you for this very relatable question! What I’m hearing is a desire to instill a new, daily habit. How we choose to spend our days reveals who we are, to Whom we belong, where we’re headed, and our faith legacy. Knowing this, let’s work through the following steps together: (1) realize your goal, (2) clarify your identity, and (3) understand the habit cycle. Lastly, I’d like to say a word about courage. Let’s begin.
Goal: What is my goal in life?
To glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.
Create a visual reminder. In the midst of feeling jostled by responsibilities, sleep-deprivation, and physical weariness, I forget. The intangibility of this truth makes it even easier to forget. Let’s put some flesh to it so we have something to take hold of. With this truth firmly fixed, we’ll recall that we are what we do, and we do what we think. Miss Mason would call those thoughts the “living ideas” Prime Minister Will allows into the Kingdom of Mansoul. Moreover, what we choose to do, reveals and confirms who we are, which leads us to the second step.
(2) Identity: Who am I? (Lord, give me vision!)
Since our habits clarify/confirm our identity, before we can prayerfully choose our habits, we must know who we are. Identity/vision comes first. You no longer have to be pushed and pulled by your default habits! If you allow only God to define you, you’ll get to choose habits that will further affirm His words in your life.
Who does God say you are?
Recently, I was meditating on this: “To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life” (Rev.21:6b).
Not good or zealous or diligent. Simply “thirsty.” To thirst for God, His presence, and His sovereign rule - that is who I am. I am the one who thirsts for God. Then, what must I do to nurture and protect this identity?
(3) The Habit Cycle: How must I daily refuel to be the one who thirsts after God?
Strategically create the structures (physical and chronological) that will fan the flame of this holy thirst. Though Miss Mason taught on habits long before our contemporaries, for clarity, we’ll use Duhigg and Clear’s terminology.
Cue/Trigger: e.g. Singing the doxology upon finishing lunch
Craving: e.g. Healing of your raw nerves, and a peaceful soul (This craving comes later upon consistently experiencing the reward several times.)
Routine/Response: e.g. Everyone moves to their designated space for quiet time. For young children, contact me for ideas. For you, perhaps time to review your Scripture memory cards, prayer walk in the garden, or enjoy a cup of coffee while flipping through a CPQ issue. Whatever you choose, ensure it’ll deliver the reward you’ll come to crave.
Reward: e.g. For you, this may be soul-refreshment, and becoming grounded in your identity in Christ, with renewed Holy Spirit-strength.
Note: For this habit to be successfully established in you, you must simultaneously consider the habit being cultivated in your child.
(4) Courage: A word from Miss Mason.
“If she would only have courage to let everything go when life becomes too tense, … life would go on far more happily…” (Vol.3, p.35).
We’re apt to take too much of the yoke upon ourselves, forgetting that Jesus is holding the other end. Willing yourself to establish this habit of rest in the middle of your day is an act of courage. Consider it a “sabbath rest” which declares God alone is in control of your child’s character formation, and of yours. He is sanctifying you both. How freeing!
So then, let’s nurture the courage to surrender how we think things “ought” to be. We have a physical act to demonstrate to God that we trust Him. Small, daily acts of courage is all it takes to form a lifetime of faithfulness.
In sum: our goal bolsters our identity in Christ, affirmed by our daily habits.
Here’s to choosing whatever it takes to declare God’s rulership in our “everyday!”
Preparing for forever together,
Min
NOTE: This article was first published in Vol.5 Issue 1 (Middle) of the Commonplace Quarterly magazine (2023).
